My body and I have had issues for years - for as long as I can possibly remember thinking about my body. I am talking elementary school. I always viewed myself as the 'fat' one or the ugly duckling compared to my friends. Typically, I was. I didn't necessarily inherit skinny genes and definitely shouldn't be wearing skinny jeans! I have spent years hiding behind a sweatshirt or jacket to hide a body that I spend many days ashamed of. I still hide. I have forfeited many potentially fabulous friendships because I thought I was way too frumpy or chunky to merit a relationship with some skinny, pretty person. (That awful negative self talk).
Before Jake and I got married, we both lost significant weight. I had this goal weight of 135 that I wanted to be on my wedding day. I ran. (I HATE running). I elliptical-ed. (Jake tried to kill me the first time I ever got on one). I ate green beans and nothing else for dinner many nights (I was also broke). I developed an addiction to the scale that I practice to this day!
On the morning of my wedding, I jumped on the scale because I knew I was soooo close to my goal. Believe it or not, that morning and ONLY that morning, I weighed in at 135! I am sure all my bridesmaids and friends staying with me at our condo thought I was insane when I was screaming and shouting that I had reached that coveted number.
Fast forward 10+ years - - I have birthed 4 children and with each of those pregnancies I have gained 50 pounds! I essentially have gained 200 pounds in 9 years. Crazy! I joke that I took the pregnancy tests and immediately gained 10 pounds just holding the stick in my hands. I used pregnancy and my sweet cravings as an excuse to eat McChicken Sandwiches, milkshakes, french fries and a myriad of other not good for you fried foods. I am obviously still dealing with the lasting effects. A moment on the lips - A lifetime on the hips! (and other places, too, that don't rhyme as well with hips)
After the first 3 I managed to lose down to between 5-7 pounds of my wedding day weight before I found out another tiny being was growing in my belly. After #1, I was just committed to getting back to my pre baby wardrobe. After #2, I was intent on not being a slobby, fat mommy. After #3, who was born while my husband was 'somewhere in the Middle East,' I was intent on losing the weight before he came home for good. After #4, my goal was to be back at, or close to, wedding day weight by our 10th anniversary - that has come and gone - and I am currently nowhere near the elusive wedding day weight!
I am older. I have 4 kids. I have volunteer responsibilities. I have a house that doesn't keep itself clean. I loathe exercising - partly because I don't like to be sore and partly because I can always think of 10 other things that I would rather be doing or need to be doing instead. I have excuses. There are holidays, birthdays, etc. My list of excuses is a mile long. Bottom line, I just couldn't seem to get my act together and stay on any sort of disciplined eating train. Valiant effort made, but nothing lasting!
It is time for things to change!
2014 is the year that I learn to love my body - leftover baby rolls and all - and it's the year that I practice some serious discipline when it comes to eating and exercising. I know that in the long run it is good for me and it's good for my family.
Losing weight is about so much more for me than the number on the scale. I need to deal with my body issues, my comparison issues, my discontent issues, and my serious lack of discipline issues. Being out of control in the body area spills over into so many other places in my life. My frustration with my body affects how I deal with my children. It affects my freedom in my relationship with my husband. It affects my confidence in social situations. I could go on and on. As the year goes on, I will probably divulge more.
Honestly, it is more than just a body and food issue, it is a spiritual issue. It's a self control issue. It's an issue of understanding the depth of Christ's love for me regardless of what size jeans I wear. It's knowing that my body and Jennifer Aniston's bodies were not created the same. (That was the understatement of the year). It is my need to find comfort and stress relief in Christ and his promises for me instead of in a delicious piece of dark chocolate or cheap crappy chocolate chip cookies or whatever the kids have in their candy stash.
The year of Less is going to be a great year. There will be many battles fought. Many tears will be shed. Hopefully, pounds will be lost and confidence will be gained.
Is Less of you - physical you - in your plans for this year? What positive side effects of Less You are you hoping to find? Leave a comment and let me know! Remember, we're in this together.
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